The reason I seem to go off and on strangely is cause I am in a lot of stress and depression ,
cause of this I have likely quit roblox , will only come back if this issue is fix.
but let me explain my whole story , the reason I seem unstable is because I have been [Neglect abuse/Sexual abuse] (note my sexual abuse is over since 5 years ago) , but my neglect is getting worse and worse , asking for help from others , and every one ignores me , all of my friends in real life left me cause some one there with keeps telling them too for no real reason, lots of my roblox friends are starting to neglect me.
but the other truth is... the one that calls him self darkness that seems to hack me isn't a hacker..
its a 2 personality that is made from the sexual/neglect abuse , this personality is seeking to destroy me , when it takes control of me and then goes away I forget everything that happens most of the time, it only comes out when I feel abused in some way or some one else is getting abused.
I made my games so I can make others happy ... but the issue is no one is trying to help what I need in this world it seems, because of that I'm shutting down all my games , I'm helping too much players but no one online or real life wants to help me , its too unbalance , every one gives me neglect so I can no longer give anyone happiness until at lest ONE person gives me the happiness I need.
what happened recently a friend that I trusted the most on roblox started to neglect me [not telling who but it was a friend who just removed me] it gave me too much stress cause the neglect curse is coming back so it awaked the evil personality thing in me , it tried to do every bad thing to that player and others so it could feed on more suffering [note this thing dosnt think like a human it scares me] and it did everything to make that player go away , and it did along with 2 others.
sadly I have started this month to self abuse my self JUST TOO STOP THIS EVIL FROM COMING OUT BECAUSE I FELT NEGLECT , this player that I trusted told me to stop , because I did it was able to come out faster, I keep asking for help ... but... there is a other bad news.
I keep on vomiting now each time I feel depressed or stress, and my stress is getting worser, meaning all the ones who have neglect me are now killing me , my body is failing me and wont stop vomiting and getting new health issues just from emotional pain.
I just want to say I'm sorry for all this , I wish to say sorry to my friends I lost from this evil monster in me that makes me not look like me.
I also can not go to the hospital since it makes me too stress there and for me to live I need to keep away from stressfull things , I am suffering every day and its getting worser.
just note that I have less trust at males , this is from me being around a only female family my life and having mostly female friends , this trust issue is getting worse.
game will only be back when I get what I need , 5 days ago I started to have this vomiting issue that wont stop from stress, I have been having diarrhea for 2 and a half weeks and it wont stop also made from stress , Ifor 4 days I wasn't able to eat hardly just ate 2 times in the 4 days perioid I hardly drink water cause I puke it out, I am not gona name the ones that neglect me , they think I'm overeagerating or doing this for attention but I am not , no one seems to understand my suffering.
I'm sorry for all of this I just need help , from non hospital , I need some one to love me but no one wants too , its making me latterly sick, I wont add the games until I have the love I need, when I do il be better and 90% of my health issues should be gone , some cant be removed...so sorry everyone.
This is anonymousperson23. I want to say that I feel horrible for you about what has been happening with the darkness attacks, but let me tell you some advice. I would just go on a vacation and take a break for a 2 weeks or along that line. You need to relax because stress can cause physical pain. I hope you get better so you don't feel horrible.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same. But Josh, I don't mean to be rude but it seems like you might also have Multiple Personality Disorder. With the whole darkness thing. How ever, please do get better. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Since you get stress alone, I'm sure many people would be happy to hang out with you on ROBLOX.
DeleteI get stress when I'm alone that's why I'm stress in the first place and have been getting unhealthy.
ReplyDeleteJosh, please you need to seek help from a Therapyist or a Mental health professional. You're an amazing game dev and I'd hate to see you go. Just, what ever you do please try and stop self harming. It hurts me to see people doing that. Please please please seek help! I'm worried!
DeleteWow...... I'm at a Loss for words. I mean who would Neglect and sexually abuse someone as Nice as you Josh, and I do hope they know that's illegal if your under 18, In the US it happens everyday and do people get caught, I mean we both live in Canada, look if it was my choice, I'd phone the government right now and tell them, but I can't I feel it would just make your problems worse.
ReplyDeleteI know depression and Suicide all too well, I almost took my life 4 times, 2 of whom where accidental, but I talked out of it, by my Aussie and my great friend, I wish you had friends as good as mine. If I was your friend I'd be there for you, every time you needed it, at any moment, as I'm up most the night anyway.
Try not to be alone, find new friends, ask if they play Roblox, tell them you made this awesome game, that is sadly closed, because of your darkness personality.
Look I can't script or Build really good, the only things people say I can do, is be lazy, and edit videos that go uncredited in some youtuber's accounts. Look I'm just a 15 Year old guy who is 5' 6" and has a 106 Pound body, with Asperger's syndrome. And still a little bit of depression in him.
My life as also been filled with emotional Abuse, and threatened Physical abuse, by my Mom's boyfriend, and believe it or not, she is still with him, after all he has done to her, to me, to my siblings.
Look that's why I said I want to be member of parliament in the future, to change all this, to change everything, my friends have told me to also try to become prime minister, but that's probably not gonna happen.
Anyways I'm sorry, I'm sorry for me I'm sorry about you. Goodbye for now.
it happened from 5 to 16 years old , some older then me but most of my abusers where younger then me , only truly one adult.
Deletethe thing is the ones younger then me acted more mature and know what they were doing , I act much younger then I am and never understood what they were doing , I didn't even know what sexual abuse was until the end of des of 2015 , that's when I found out I was sexuly abused.
it means me and almost all my abusers where underage.
sorry if I look weak I act too look stronger so no one would manipulate me like them.
Don't think your weak, never ever think that, I learned that in Grade 6 in 2013 I held someone up by their throat because they where bullying me, but because I was Native American the School never punished me.
DeleteI'm not the most athletic, and I've been abused before, but sometimes it was someone younger than me about 25% of all my abuse cases where by someone younger.
I'm with you with this, and so are many people.
Can you make your games open source? -Raisebaby
ReplyDeleteEven though I have many friends in my world, I just want to let you know that you are one of them. You have created my favorite games and there is nobody in Roblox that could re-create your games. Zachthetwister and I still think you are the best Roblox game maker and the best person that has misery. There are over 100 people that have asked in comments about if Josh is okay and I find that interesting. -QWERTYUIOPquinn
ReplyDeleteHmm try getting some therapy or counseling..? Or try seeking people who would give you want you need. Just dont expect people to come to you
ReplyDeleteyou know I wish I wouldn't have told this , it feels like I'm saying it for attention but the true reason is for players to stop getting mix up about the darkness thing and the on hold/close forever part cause of neglect.
ReplyDeleteHi Josh, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through so much pain, and I am sorry if I have caused you any pain. I wish you all the best in your healing, god bless.
ReplyDeleteunderdog1227
This is just sad. I kind of feel you. It just doesn't make any sense for such terrible things happen to good people like you. w
ReplyDeleteSome Roblox Wikia editors called this blogpost controversial on your Official Character page
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what that means
DeleteIt means most people don't believe it, while most do, like a 50/50 split
DeleteI am starting to learn more on the internet what this thing is, more chance for me to open the game, I just want one person to forgive me for what I have done, the thing is this person block me. but I will still be too stress for lots of updates , so will hardly update.
ReplyDeletejosh i was always a fan of project supercell and weather as well and im sorry for what your going through right now if your in need of friends i will gladly be yours -tommyfighter17
DeleteI hope you get well
ReplyDeletealso i would like to help you.
-talentedgull on roblox
hopefully josh will pull through after all he has gone through
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for you josh. Ive played you games on my old account and there are not many games like yours. Keep strong and ill have you in my prayers. Get well buddy! :) -ajvan055
ReplyDeleteJosh, I went through the same thing. The depression and anxiety is still here, but I was abused younger than 18, about 13 1/2 years old, and it really does impact your life and how you act. I have been suffering vomiting as-well. Some people might just think me and Josh are trying to get attention, we aren't, these are things that have actually happened to us and have impacted our lives.
ReplyDeleteacttuly I found out yesterday that 30% of the reason this evil exist is cause of a side effect from neglect that makes me try to get attention the only thing is I never knew it was that , the thing is when that kicks in it effects something else that something else trys to turn me from asking help to destroying the help I need, and when its over I forget what happened , cause of this find I found yesterday I feel more guilty so its best I stop asking for help and just let me have the suffering as I try to help others , that is what I have desided , since no one wants to help me this evil thing will rise more and more , since the only cure for 60% of it is for me to stop being neglect , I know that I am cursed or something so I will continue to get neglect to the point I will die , in 10 days I will do my final thing to get help in real life , if that dosnt work then I guess I was just ment to die or something, I just wish some one would explain to me all the health issues are insteed of being quiet so I would be able to understand what it is , the only issue is 10% of this evil thing is still something I do not understand, its too severe and makes me forget after the attack and it dosnt seem to be something related to the other things I found out about it.
Deletealso sadly all of my actions are all still side effects from neglect/sexual abuse or me eating bad food , everything else is normal , the 3 things I said did a domino effect and made other health issues until I went insane.
DeleteI went to a forum in march to find out what is going on it seems the other thing the evil thing is , was made from sexual abuse.
my doctor thinks also its that.
the neglect today was bad as well but I just don't want to look evil and ask for help anymore cause people think its bad for asking for attention, even tougth its appenrtly a side effect [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_seeking]
it says this
If as a child, the person did not receive much attention from his parents or his peers then he may grow up feeling neglected. Those feelings will then be the main drive behind the person's attention-seeking behavior. Children of abusive parents and parents who are always absent may feel overlooked, and so the child may grow up becoming an attention-seeking adult.
I never heard of this until today , even tough its a side effect made from abuse I still find my self to be bad cause it is 30% of the reason this evil keeps coming out , it triggers the 2 and 3 issue and puts them all together to make that big mess , I just want to say sorry to every one , but also I still do not know fully yet what this evil thing is some stuff still looks off... about my behavor to just be 3 things that I know of.
but , when I say attention , I only go to one person wanting help , this blog was just so players would stop thinking it was a hacker and understand it was my own fault , other issue is as long as I get neglect the worser it will become , so I don't feel safe around my self.
Deletealso one of the other issue this evil is there is cause I have schizophrenia.
the 3 thing is Psychological trauma
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_trauma
all 3 together make this scary creepy evil thing along with a 4 thing that I cant find out about yet.
I get a lot of panic attacks which is a side effect of the trauma, pointing out the main thing causing the attack is the Psychological trauma, making me loose control , I am wondering if I have split personality as well, I have been hiding a lot from every one mostly cause I'm just finding it out this year , the attention seaking and the psychological trauma part I just got the info yesterday , I knew about the schizophrenia for over a year , if you ask me about all this stuff 1.5 years ago I would of had no clue of any reason why I'm suffering for , except for sleeping issues and candida parasite that I just got rid of last month.
Deletelike I said some players still think I got hack look at this
Delete------------------------------------------------------
Also why is shawn all the sudden (SO CARING) for josh even after what he did? That's another thing suspicious.
8/2/2016 10:36:00 PM by dustydevil12
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but I do agree that it is odd to see shawn being too nice, just don't blame others guys I'm telling the truth that shawn has nothing to do with this , and this darkness person is just a horrible side effect personality thing I have, that comes out when I feel treaten or have to much emotional pain.
and so I just found the missing part to why this thing acts like this , its this
Deletehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-destructive_behavior
I'm full of too much issues so it must make me look insane or scary.
all I'm asking for all my fans is to stop thinking I got hack.
DeleteI told the fans in project supercell that you were not hacked.
ReplyDeletehey josh its AirTranPilot22, I am really sorry for you man, plz stay strong just like how wingz told you, I would NEVER want to neglect you cuz you are my hero and you have done everything for us and I feel happy of you making the storm chasing community and bringing it to ROBLOX for us to see it come to roblox instead of real life, you will always be my hero and I will always remember you and never neglect you, -AirTraPilot22
ReplyDeleteJosh I feel very sorry for you!!!I went through same thing and It's been a tough time for me.Just....try not to think about it.Thinking about you stresses you even more.Locking your doors and being at the house forever won't find you new friends.Go out,be yourself,there will always be people who accept you as you are!!!I have small group of 3 friends that I met back then...they were always there for me and they are now too.People who leave you just because you are different aren't your real friends.Just....ugh....I HOPE YOU TO BE BETTER SOON
ReplyDeleteIt's so retarded when people have to be haters against you and never help you out like that. I would seek help from a professional who knows how to solve these problems.
ReplyDeleteHello. I sincerely hope that you got the help you needed. I would never have thought that you got through such a crisis. I know what it is. The feeling of it never ending... i just want to forget that. I know you don't trust me. I just want to tell you, even if it's over now, that you aren't alone. I do forgive you.
ReplyDelete